A Rainy Symphony

I've always liked rainy days. But I think I like them even more now. It seems that rain often echoes my feelings. I often feel lonely, cold, sad, quiet, thoughtful. But lately, life is refreshing. God offers relief from the things I have to face. I have good friends, a wonderful family and an amazing (I don't use that lightly), truly awesome God. I could whine and go around miserable forever, but I have to choose to love life. I want to do just that. 


I'm starting to find that there's so much to live for. Sure, I can fool people into making them think that I'm happy when really, my heart is just as cold and lonely as the rain. 


I might come off as a little callous, but my empty places aren't going to be filled. Ever. I've come to accept that certain parts of me are just going to stay empty. But I've figured out how to move on. It's like I keep walking in the rain. I want to get out of it and into some sun and warmth, but I've accepted that my lot is to walk in the rain. I have to survive the best I can, and be thankful for the days when the rain isn't quite pouring and the wind isn't howling as loud as it usually does.


I don't mean this as a "poor me" post, or even an attempt to gain sympathy. It's just where I am. Where I live. Permanent rain. I'll always want some sort of relief, but I'll keep going. 'Cause to some extent, I don't want to know anything any different than I do now. It's not apathy. I'm not hopeless. I'm just tired. And I know I'm broken. You can't fix me, and honestly, I don't want to be fixed.