Around July or so, I wanted to run away and stay gone. Just totally disappear and not come back. Ever. Summer is usually good. I'm usually excited about all the awesome memories that this summer would bring. But I dreaded the arrival of this summer.
See, last summer I hit rock bottom. I came to the end of myself. It hurt. I still have the scars to prove it, and I won't ever fully recover. These wounds are the sort that are always around. They throb when loneliness or a sense of loss triggers them. But this summer was different.
I decided that I would live passionately for today. I wouldn't worry about tomorrow. If I faced pain today, I'd deal with it today, not tomorrow. I wish I had known that last summer. Maybe breaking wouldn't have hurt so bad. Or maybe I wouldn't have broken at all... I still have the cracks, and I feel patched up, glued, like a shattered glass. Only, I've proven to be more fragile.
This summer, I feel reinforced. Part of me is dead. Things had to change, situations had to die. I see that now. I just never expected to fall as far as I did. I didn't expect to fall at all. I definitely know that it's something that's going to stay with me forever. I'll never forget it, and I'll always have some form of scar.
But at least the scars are starting to fade...
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